for brides only

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Brides, you are far too kind ...

So I've written this letter for you to share with your guests. You're welcome.

To our family and friends, 

Here are a few things I need to tell you before my wedding.

1. Put down your phone. And for goodness sakes, that humongous iPad. You don’t need to photograph the ceremony, Mom. Remember that big check you wrote? That was for the photographer. Put the phone down.

2. Have fun. Have loads of fun. Except during family photos. That is officially the no fun zone. I want all these group photos. (Actually, I don’t, but mom does.) So, let’s get it done quickly. Stop being silly so we can finish and go party.

3. Bridesmaids, you are there to do more than look pretty. Pay attention. Fluff my dress. Take my flowers. Hand back my flowers. Take my flowers. Get me a drink. Without having to be asked. Just know and do. 

4. Don’t be late. We have planned out this day to the minute. Don’t stress me out by being late. Don't be early. I didn't invite you to the pre-ceremony party for a reason.

5. If I’m late, it’s fine. Don’t stress. 

6. If something goes wrong, fix it. If it can’t be fixed, forget it. Do not tell me. I’m trying to get married, and I don’t need to know that the wedding cake just fell over. Go to Publix and get another one.

7. The photographer eats. And eats early so she’s ready to catch the action as soon as dinner is done. She’s really not trying to be rude. (She doesn’t have to try. Ha!) 

8. Do you want the photographer to snap a photo of your family? Your buddies? Of course, of course, Don’t be shy. Ask! She will do it if she's feeling like it at the moment. (Kidding, kidding! I love to do that!)

9. Want to hang around and watch the first look? The bride and groom portraits? No. Just no. Our photographer is weird, and she doesn’t like that. (Not kidding.)

10. Are you a random person at the hotel or park where I am getting married? Do you think it would be fun to stand there and gawk? And be in all the photos wearing your tie-dye tee-shirt? Keep moving or our photographer will punch you in the throat.

11. Don’t spill beer on the photographer or her camera. She will cut you.

12. Don’t light your sparkler for the sparkler exit before you’re told to do so. The sparkler will lose all its sparkle before the exit. Do not hold your sparkler near my hair. It will explode. Do not hold your sparkler near my photographer’s camera. She will extinguish that sparkler in your eye.

Thank you. See you at the exact moment you are invited to appear.

 

Did that make you smile? It was supposed to make you smile. Because wedding planning is stressful. But there should be some smiles along the way.

P.S. I haven't cut anyone. Yet.